my semi-charmed life

my first time

2010-07-16T05:48:00.000-07:00

my heart was beating wildly. "i am not ready... i am not ready..." were the words marquee-ing in and out of my head. but there was no other time. this would have to be it. it would have to be now.

i've only just met her. incognizant that we would ever come to this point, i never really took the time to really get to know her.

then there i was, seated with my stomach in knots, painfully awake despite last night's sleepless duty, patiently waiting for her. then she arrived, laid in bed. all the hairs in my body went up, seemingly electrocuted by this meeting. although not the first, it felt like it was.

she laid there, neck hyperextended, waiting for me. i went onto the bed beside her, hesitant on what to do next. i felt clumsy and idiotic. i ran my fingers through her neck, i think rather frequent than was supposed. then, mustering all the courage i have, i opened her up. as gentle as i could, i opened her up. with my bumbling fingers, i made my way in. tenderly i split with my instrument the flesh that came my way. finally i saw the pink membrane i was looking for, the membrane separating me from her. i parted it, then drove my thing inside. a huge burst of energy crashed on to me. I AM INSIDE. we then both took a lung-full of breath.

and that is the story of my first tracheostomy.

the cycle

2010-06-11T19:32:00.000-07:00

5:30 am
marge: *awakes with a startle, heart thumping loudly*
ralph: bye, hun. pasok na ko.
marge: *goes with ralph to the door.* ok, hun. see you bukas.
marge: *goes to the bathroom to take a hi-speed shower* shet, late na naman ako nito.

6:15 am
marge: *drives towards EAMC listening to "The Morning Rush." laughs a little, much irritated by the traffic.*

7:15 am
marge: *catches her breath, after ruuning at top speed from the parking lot, through 6 flights of stairs, to the office, as she looks at the "barred" attendance.* late na naman ako, as usual. *in between gasps*

marge then goes on with the rest of her day:

8 am - 12 nn
patient's mom: ano, doctora, xray na naman? kaka-xray lang namin nung isang araw ah.
marge: *annoyed beyond measure* mommy, ginagawan po natin ng paraan para maipasok sya sa operating room kaya po ipapaulit natin yung xray. eto po pera, *tries to wrangle out of her own hand the last one-thousand-peso bill she has on her coin purse* ipagawa nyo po sa labas yung xray para po makuha agad ang resulta. salamat po. *turns around and leaves before she pounces forward and tear off the carotids of the complaining mom using her bare teeth*

marge: ma'am/sir, kunin ko po sana yung resulta ng "______" ni patient "________."
ma'am/sir: *answers either of the following* ok po, eto po./wala pa po, pakibalikan na lang po next year/wala pa po ba sa itaas? may nag-float na po nun./wala po kami na-receive na ganun.
marge: ok po. salamat po.

12 noon
marge: *complains about this-and-that to her co-residents over overpriced canteen food*

12:30 pm - 5 pm
marge: *continues with the left over morning errands*checks and rechecks the pre-op patients, only to find out that they ain't got no blood/materials for the operation/clearance/etc.* exchange one-liner text messages with ralph* have a hearty laugh with some of the ward nurses*

5 - 6 pm
marge: *starts to endorse patients.*tries to give out a "half-smile" as she gets asked a lot of questions that she can't answer because she's too lazy to read cummings.*feels embarassed as she can't remember answers to questions that have been asked over and over again*

9 pm
marge: *drives home, left hand on a cigarette stick and the other on the wheel. contemplates about reading cummings or watching one or two of the stack of dvds she bought ages ago but still haven't got the time to see*

10 pm
marge: *gets out of the car. leaves her stuff on the bedroom floor. goes to the shower to have a decent bath*

11 pm
marge: *opens laptop and plays "plants vs. zombies."*

11:05 pm
marge: *slips into GCS 3 while playing "plants vs. zombies"

5:45 am (the following day)
marge: *awakes with a startle, heart thumping loudly*
marge: *goes to the bathroom to take a hi-speed shower* shet, late na naman ako nito.

and the cycle continues...

iba

2010-03-31T12:39:00.000-07:00

after a long hiatus, i have risen to write about death.

a few hours ago, i have experienced my first mortality in this new institution i'm in. and it broke my heart to know that they do things so much differently from what i'm used to.

walang ECG. kalokohan. i understand that the living patients need it more than the dead/seemingly dead. but how can you pronounce someone dead without an ECG tracing?! with a confusing cheap stethoscope that can't even hear a loudly beating heart?! if we were stuck in the middle of the Amazon, i would've just let it go. but we're not. so there.

walang pari. 'pag umaga lang daw may pari, sa gabi, wala. WAT DA??!! kalokohan na talaga 'to.

(other details of what transpired i believe are too foul to be written.)

i learned from this man. in him i was able to do my first tracheostomy. forever will i be grateful. i wish some people would give him some respect, dead as he may be.

death is not something we would ever be accustomed to. or so i thought.

Eternal rest grant unto him O Lord.
And let perpetual light shine upon him.
May he rest in peace.

i like!!! :D

2009-06-01T05:02:00.000-07:00

35-36

2009-05-28T05:52:00.000-07:00

For weeks I've been thinking of things to blog about. So much has happened since I last posted:

got married! rotated in Neuro-Psych rotated in Medicine laptop got stolen finished internship! bell's palsy recurred preparing for the boards.

But now, only one thing consumes me:

I AM 35-36 weeks PREGNANT!

I am thrilled and scared sh*tless at the same time.

my sky. :)

2009-05-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

here's a glimpse of my baby girl! (and her evil twin. hehe. figure out which is which.)

finally, INTERNSHIP IS OVER!!!

i can finally concentrate on being a mom! :D
(and wife?! hmm.) ;p

I'M SO EXCITED!!! :D

(i'll try to post something decent over the next few days.)

advance merry christmas, everyone!

2008-12-01T09:12:00.001-08:00

23 days na lang, pasko na! :)

christmas will be extra special from this year onwards. :)

excited na ako. :D

tondo man... may langit din

2008-10-31T20:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked the end of my 10-day stint playing Ob-Gyn doctor in Tondo General Hospital and my 2-months rotation in Ob-Gyn. I enjoyed it more than I expected! Hehe.

The Things I love about Tondo Gen:

1. The staff really treats you like a doctor.
They not only call you "doctor," but they also give you the respect that comes along with it. The nurses there (and even the janitorial staff) are very, very polite. They say "please" when they ask you to do something and you'll really feel that they mean it. And the residents there take your word as truths. You are treated like you're not "just an intern." They give you credit, and I love them so much for that. I wouldn't wanna repeat my rotation there, (it had been the most physically challenging days of my like) but looking back, it had been a very enriching experience all in all.

2. No more pushing!
Wheelchairs, stretchers, gurneys... name it, you won't push it. Hehe. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally fine with pushing these things. (As if one year of clerkship ain't enough, I still do it now that I'm an intern.) But just the thought that I'm not obliged to do it is very... new. And I find it somewhat ironic that a government hospital like Tondo Gen can afford to have people do these things for us. (Thank you, Philcare!) Whereas in UST, the MRODs (Manong/Manang Romac On Duty: Romac is the name of the company giving the general services in UST.) are only supposed to clean, not push, and we've only got a very limited number of transport aides so we still got a lot of pushing to do. Oh well.

3. Lots of Blood.
We do blood extractions and IV line insertions! Yey! The dormant Med Tech in me really appreciated the demand for a phlebotomist. I loved it! And aside from inserting IV lines, we also get to push Hydralazine (an anti-hypertensive drug) directly from a syringe into a vein. Yey! (Now I know how IV drug users do it. Hehe.) I'm really thankful I was given a chance to hone my skills.

4. Stitch!
And of course, the reason why we were assigned to rotate in Tondo Gen: to be able to learn how to do normal spontaneous deliveries. we already had a go with this during our Clerkship rotation in Fabella. But now, were up to a higher level. We got to do Episiorrhaphies as well! (Episiorrhaphy is when you repair the "cut" you did to make the vaginal introitus wider, thus facilitating passage of the baby) During clerkship we were allowed to do suturing on the skin only. But now, we're allowed to repair the submucosa as well! Yey! And we're also to do first assist in Cesarian Sections. (in UST, only second year residents do it in the Clinical Division and third year residents do it in the Private Division.)

5. Exposure.
Patients are the best teachers. Once you've seen a case, it's very likely that you won't forget it. And it's not only theories that you learn from patients, you also learn to be human. It's very stressful when you think about it, when their problem suddenly becomes your problem. But I think that's what makes this profession noble. You extended your arm farther than expected. You do your best to give more. (Okay, enough patient talk from me. I tend to get carried away when it comes to these things.)

So, that's that for me. For two months, I had been allowed to have my teeth set on the edge. (I love Ob-Gyn!) Thanks to everyone who have shared the experience with me. :)

Speaking of teeth set on the edge, here's what's keeping mine lately:

blog-a-roo

2008-09-15T23:40:00.000-07:00

hopped on to a new spot. yey!

hopefully, i'd make more sense here than everywhere else i've been.

it's been a long time since i've got the time to post something more than just meaningless rants.

so, what's up with me? (yeah, i'll just talk about me 'coz i dunno nothing about anything or anyone else. hehe. i'm really getting used to this no-TV and no-radio lifestyle.)

currently on my 3rd rotation/5th month of internship. it sure ain't hell easier than clerkship. but it's more fun, i think. i am allowed (and quite unfortunately, expected) to do more stuff now than when i was a clerk. yey! so far, i've inserted IV lines on kids (including a 1-year-and-10-months-old), done mantoux tests, "troubleshot" indwelling catheters, suctioned chest tubes, done skin closure on an amputated leg, done first-assist on an appendectomy... and DELIVERED A LIVE, TERM BABY IN AN AMBULANCE! hehe. well, i actually didn't do much. when i arrived, the baby was already doing his external rotation anyway. after making sure there weren't any cord coils or entanglements, i just pulled him out and then kept him warm. did more pediatrics than obstetrics, really. but nonetheless, it felt great. another reason to smile more widely before going to sleep. :D

I WAS ON THE ERASERHEADS REUNION CONCERT! :D and yes, sobrang bitin talaga! i came there straight out from my last duty in Surgery, with barely any sleep. my knees, feet, and basically every inch of my body, were already cursing me hours before the concert even started. gates opened at 3 pm, and we were there around 5 pm. we decided to come early 'coz since we got cheap tickets (yes, our humble stipend can't support a leisurely lifestyle), we needed to be there before the others did to have a good spot. and that, we had. we were less than an arm's length to the railing separating the VIPs from the Patrons. but the long wait was very well worth it! when the big screen flashed a digital 10-minute countdown timer, my heart skipped with every second. and i just totally lost it when from under the stage a platform rose, bearing buddy, marcus, ely and raimund with their instruments. people were already wondering what their first song would be, and they were very much right in choosing Alapaap. the crowd jumped and sang with every chord and word. and the fireworks that followed just made it all the more spectacular. the hour went by with the group singing their hits and us singing with them. there were hardly any breaks after every song, the longest of which is just for sound check. i felt nostalgic hearing Kailan again, remembering that when i first heard it, i was in the fifth grade, i was on the school bus on the way home, and we were stuck in traffic 'coz it was raining. hehe. after Shake yer Head, i think, was the time when ely slumped down on his guitar, the digital 20-minute countdown timer appeared and the lights when out onstage, signaling the intermission break. the wait drove me crazy... not just because i'm a really excited fan but also because i was becoming more and more aware of my tired body, and the other people rubbing and bumping against me. i again felt my age weighing down on me. things like these didn't bother me before, so perhaps i really am just becoming older now. hehe. the 30-minutes seemed like an eternity. it dragged me until finally the lights went on again and the eraserheads, sans ely, appeared with ely's sister, lally. that bit was seen on TV so guess it wouldn't have to talk about it anymore. it was both liberating and binding. it felt great to be told that i would now be rid of the smelly bodies surrounding me... that polo and i can finally have a look around... and that we can finally go home. at the same time, we were bound by speculations as to what just happened, which made me text co-interns in neighboring hospitals for news if ever he was brought there. all in all, the experience was very... refreshing. after being caged between the hospital and malls, it felt great to be attending something as big as this. it was like coming up to the surface for air. :D

i pray for more blogging time. hehe.